This week I have been witness to some of the most uncourteous and deplorable behaviors, many of them carried out by me on Thursday.
tonight, I took a late supper at Waffle House in Broken Arrow where two small girls, dancing and playing like small children will, were yelled at by the cook (their father) for just being kids. this mad threatened them loudly that they would get a spanking and almost did it in front of me until I asked aloud "Excuse me, but they are just being kids. My son never lived long enough to dance and play as they were doing so lighten up and show some respect."
The cook apologized and made excuses. I realized a minute later that I was shaking with my inner rage but I kept an outwardly calm demeanor. If there was ever a time to let that wolf loose, it would have been then. I ate what I could, paid, got the GM's number and left.
As I was leaving, when I opened the inner door, his daughters ran out and I tried to talk them back in, but then told the cook since they were about to run out into the parking lot. Their mother was out on the other side of the lot smoking. He looked at me as if I was a fool and angrily said that their mother was out there as they opened the door and dashed across the lot.
I forced myself to walk to my car and not berate this man again in front of his children.
I did realize after the first altercation, that how he acted was exactly how I used to act with my ex wife's kids, and with my ex fiancée's kids. I shook with anger, fear, and sadness that I could have been such a creature. I would have been content with dying on the spot if it would have made it all better and taken back the scenes of the past like those.
My father was that way with us kids, but that is no excuse.
I sit here at home now, still shaking and a ball of discontent in my gut that I could have been such an ugly creature.
I wonder why I am alone, I am starting to find answers. I would never want someone to be a child of mine as long as I acted that way. there were great times too, but you can have a thousand great times, and only one scene like above and it's still not a positive thing.
Yes, I believe in discipline, yes, I believe in spankings. But not the yelling and fury that this man expressed, that I used to express.
I did call and leave a message for the GM, and I can only imagine what he might do, or perhaps he will do nothing.
When they were dancing, I saw and felt Spirit playing with them, holding their hands and spinning, laughing, and playing. I laughed too.
then the nightmare came.
