Monday, December 31, 2012

It Opens At the Close

So the calendar year has run its course and time has come to start a new calendar. Another turning of the wheel.

I have done many things I am not proud of this year.

At this time, I ask for forgiveness from those I have wronged. Through comments made in jest that one may have found hurtful, failed relationships where I was at least 50% at fault, and times where I may have hurt someone unknowingly but they still remember whole I have forgotten, I ask for forgiveness in all these.

I had to put 5 people out of work this year. (I'm not sure where the 7 count came from that I posted on Facebook. Perhaps I cost two others their jobs other places I did not know about.) the choice was mine to allow them to pass on through to save the jobs of 6 others. the responsibility to the company was mine to attempt to deny them unemployment benefits.

More than anything, I ask for forgiveness from myself. To allow the past to rest and lead the way into the present.

This past year I have gained many friendships and had peaceful family holiday dinners for the first time in ages.

I laid to rest two friends, there may have been more so please forgive me if I didn't recall anyone close passing before October. May they find their peace in whatever comes next, even if that is oblivion.

For years, my focus was being loud and in charge. Be prominent and popular, heavy handed and solid. I put my foot down and it didn't move.

Tonight, I found the value in being but a whisper. In being invisible, one can accomplish all their goals without obstruction since there is nothing there for people to fight against.

Last night I cleared out a towering fa├žade from inside myself. What was left was nothing but light.

The wind floats through the trees and around the mountains as a gentle breeze. Ad a storm gale, it meets opposition and is churned into chaos and destruction.

Some of my friends that are tied to self esteem and worshiping the ego may chastise this, but when the hammers fall in life, if there is nothing to hit, then who is the greater?

I read a few years back that the problem with Eastern thought in the Western World is that most Westerners try to understand Eastern philosophy from a Western perspective. Here in the West, we take pride in the achievements of work, over there, they take pride in the work itself. We see power, money, and strength as signs of superiority. (Just look at the sports areas. Multi million dollar contracts for someone to carry a pigskin ball while there are homeless starving in the streets outside the stadium.)

The current priorities of Western man are all screwed up. We view life as a board game. Who has the best pieces, the most money, the biggest house.

Why does someone need millions of dollars? If I won a million dollars (after taxes) I would buy a modest home in a modest neighborhood and decide what I would do for the purpose of enjoying life. I could work a job just for fun, donate my time, spend days working in a garden or learning about things I have always wanted to study. I would not need a flashy car or diamond rings or a trophy wife. (Ok, maybe a small trophy.) :D

Anyhow, I digress. I know I can slightly modify my life now and accomplish many of these things. I just have to decide what my goals my be and follow them.

The deciding is the hardest part in an unlimited universe.

Happy New Wheel Turning everyone.

One final thing... Happy Birthday to my departed Brother that came to me this morning upon waking and filled my head with memories of our time together only for me to recall a bit later that today was his birthday.
Hello again, my old friend.

This is actually monumental since in 2003 when he passed, I sealed off an area of my psychic abilities. This was made firm that November when my Grandmother passed and I went into a 3 year depression. The fact that he was able to come to me this morning brings great joy to my heart!

Saturday, December 29, 2012

Going in search of an old friend.

Tonight I shall go on a dream journey to awaken an old friend of mine.

As yourself, who were your childhood heroes? To whom did you cling to in times of trouble, and who did you play with in times of joy? Was it a Ninja Turtle? A colorful pony? A bear with a symbol on its tummy? A transforming robot? Perhaps a small blue guy that lived in a mushroom? Or perhaps, it all started with a mouse.

When did you "leave behind childish things" to embrace something new like driving, dating, sex, work, all the "trappings of the real/adult life"?
Now, when did you feel the emptiness that has lead you to the sadness that peaks forth into your daily life? The idle time when you would have played with your friends in younger years?

Perhaps there is an old friend waiting there for you too? There is a reason all of these things from our childhoods are now making a comeback. It is the timeless factor and that the men and women in charge feel a longing to play with their old friends again. The wheel has spun around so our generation can bring the dreams to the present generation.

How can it be done? you ask... Simply sit still, breathe, and journey back in your mind to your playtime with your friend. Talk to them the way you did at that age. Feel no shame for acting foolish, for that shame is what has banished these friends to the netherworld, the 'land of forgotten toys.' Play with them once again and simply invite them to play with you in this time.

Honor them by finding their likeness in a new or used toy and keep it handy. Perhaps on your desk, in the kitchen, etc. If you have children and they see the toy, allow them to play with it and even more important, tell them of all your adventures with this friend when you were their age.

Come out, come out, wherever you are... it's time to play again.

(Forgive mistypings, it's hard to type through the tears of joy and remembrance.)

My old friend:

A Conversation With Master Po

*Note* I realize that Master Po is a fictional character, but can we not find these characters as traits within ourselves?

I was standing in the shower thinking about my various gifts in the technology field. My skills and gut instinct that lead me to finding simple solutions on a guess that have confounded other's knowledge.

I thought to myself: "I am glad to have these gifts, but is there not more that I may impart? Like teaching the spiritual matters on my path in that way?"

Then I heard the voice: (Master Po) "Of what would you teach?"
Me: "The path that I follow and the lessons I have learned."
Master Po: "Why do you desire to teach it?"
Me: "To help others find peace and happiness."
Master Po: "Has what you desire to teach brought you peace and happiness?"
Me (after thinking): "No, it has not."
Master Po: "One should first strive to find his own path to peace and happiness before trying to teach it to others."
Me: "True"

I know this was just an internal monologue, but it hit me as quite profound.

The thoughts that preceded this internal exchange were of my troubles with oracles such as pendulums and the new fad of table tipping. I don't know enough of table tipping to comment, so I shall reserve judgment on that and not speak ill of it since I have not experienced it directly.

On pendulums, I was thinking of where I might find a stationary stand to assist in divination. Whenever someone uses a pendulum and claims to be using it for divining, I watch both the pendulum and their hand and fingers. If the hand and/or fingers sway, it's a good indication that the holder has influenced the swing. Most pendulums are not heavy enough to move the hand as it swings. It is tough for me when I see this happening with people I trust. when I do readings or healings for others with a pendulum, I tell my guests to make not that my hand and fingers never move, adding validity to the reading.

Yes, I look for this in an attempt to not be fooled or led / influenced unduly. Yes, this does point to trust issues. It is easy enough for one to just accept that all people will tell the truth, and to trust first until there is cause to not trust. However, when one has become jaded to this from being surrounded by people one should be able to trust, friends, relatives, mentors, that have been exposed to have the same fallacies as liars and thieves, it causes undesirable changes like the hardening of the heart.

Does that mean I have kept bad company in the past? Yes, mostly. However, I have tried to be among like minded people, without having their compulsion for deceit, and thus it has made me an outcast from even society's outcasts.

I have found some kind, like minded souls that can be trusted on my journey, and I treasure them.

I need to shake off everyone's expectations of me and seek out happiness. I believe that was one of the reasons I got my forearm tattoo. It has been complimented on by everyone I have met, even our company president. A symbolic movement to try to assure me that following my heart will not lead me astray.

One thing I noticed that I have never realized before...

There is another "Master" Po that teaches us in the present to embrace who we are, and thus this is the way to ourselves, the inner Dragon Warrior.


Friday, December 28, 2012

Only the Good Die Young

Yes, yes, when you realize who this is about, you'll say the title isn't appropriate since he loved looking like an incarnation of evil.

There was an old joke between him and I that he was "the good twin" since back when he was interested in mysticism, he mainly stuck to practices involving Archangels and gnosticism, whereas I was a bit more liberal in my studies and practices.

Much respect in honor of my old friend, Jonathan Morris. He was known by many names depending on where you met him. DJLotek, doombuggy, etc.

Jon passed away on Christmas Eve. It is said he passed in his sleep.

Everyone I've told (or almost everyone)  has asked "how did he die?" I'll take a page from The Last Samurai and pose the question to "ask me how he lived."

Some of my best memories of Jon:

He could always tell a good, plausible story and you were generally laughing so hard at the end due to the imagery presented that you didn't care to question.

My favorite story he used to tell was of a time when he had gotten in from clubbing in the wee hours of the morning and went right to bed without washing off the face paint he had worn to the club. He had slept only a few hours until he heard a man's voice coming from the living room. He lived with his grandmother and his grandfather had passed some years before. Thinking something was wrong he came storming out of the back room, black spiky hair, messed up white facepaint, in only his boxers. His grandmother had worked for ORU for years at this point. As the story goes, Jon comes storming out into the living room to encounter Oral Roberts wearing an expression like Satan himself had just appeared in the room. Jon concludes the story by saying Oral Roberts left the house soon after he returned to bed and was never seen there again.

We would go to Casa Bonita. I would eat 2 plates of food, Jon would eat generally 4. The waitresses never complained, just stared in shock. Jon also loved Pancho's Mexican food. The people at Pancho's hated him though since he would continually send them back for more food. You don't bring a 6'9" 300+ lb guy one single taco when he says he wants more. :-)

Many people didn't see him emotional (other than enraged while finding themselves tossed out of a club Jon was bouncing at.) When his grandmother passed, it was plain to see how large his heart really was.

I loved messing with him. It's not often you can tease a giant and get away with it. But he did teach me that no matter the stature, a person is a person. People would ask him "hey, do you play basketball?" He would look down at them and say "no, do you play miniature golf?" Generally people wouldn't get it.

When we were roomates, one time I warned him that I would play 'Night on Bald Mountain' whenever I needed to get my mind in a space to do powerful rituals. Generally ones to induce change. Well, one night I came home and turned on the stereo in the bedroom. I had intended on listening to the Beastie Boys, but obviously I had the wrong tape in the deck. So, yup, 'Night on Bald Mountain' came blaring out of the stereo. Then from the living room I heard this roar of 'OH SHIT!" then things being knocked over, the door slamming, and his car screeching away. I laughed my ass off. It helped bring about change for sure, the rest of the night I was in the best mood.

During this time we found a baby kitten in the parking lot of the apartment and Jon took him in. For some reason, I was never allergic to this kitten and it was fun to have around. To see Jon laying on his bed listening to music with this tiny puffball perched on his shoulder was something special.

Then he met Jennifer and he was hooked. I couldn't get him to shut up about her to focus on anything else. The giant was in love and stayed that way until the end. :) We could all be so lucky.

So, in closing, Jon was a guy who loved life despite all his pain from his size and loved to help people. He was gruff at times, but always had the best of intentions.

I'd pour beer on the curb for my fallen homie, but due to his size, only a keg would be fitting and I can't lift that much.

(I know I've left out a lot of good memories, as they come to me, I'll update this.)