So the calendar year has run its course and time has come to start a new calendar. Another turning of the wheel.
I have done many things I am not proud of this year.
At this time, I ask for forgiveness from those I have wronged. Through comments made in jest that one may have found hurtful, failed relationships where I was at least 50% at fault, and times where I may have hurt someone unknowingly but they still remember whole I have forgotten, I ask for forgiveness in all these.
I had to put 5 people out of work this year. (I'm not sure where the 7 count came from that I posted on Facebook. Perhaps I cost two others their jobs other places I did not know about.) the choice was mine to allow them to pass on through to save the jobs of 6 others. the responsibility to the company was mine to attempt to deny them unemployment benefits.
More than anything, I ask for forgiveness from myself. To allow the past to rest and lead the way into the present.
This past year I have gained many friendships and had peaceful family holiday dinners for the first time in ages.
I laid to rest two friends, there may have been more so please forgive me if I didn't recall anyone close passing before October. May they find their peace in whatever comes next, even if that is oblivion.
For years, my focus was being loud and in charge. Be prominent and popular, heavy handed and solid. I put my foot down and it didn't move.
Tonight, I found the value in being but a whisper. In being invisible, one can accomplish all their goals without obstruction since there is nothing there for people to fight against.
Last night I cleared out a towering façade from inside myself. What was left was nothing but light.
The wind floats through the trees and around the mountains as a gentle breeze. Ad a storm gale, it meets opposition and is churned into chaos and destruction.
Some of my friends that are tied to self esteem and worshiping the ego may chastise this, but when the hammers fall in life, if there is nothing to hit, then who is the greater?
I read a few years back that the problem with Eastern thought in the Western World is that most Westerners try to understand Eastern philosophy from a Western perspective. Here in the West, we take pride in the achievements of work, over there, they take pride in the work itself. We see power, money, and strength as signs of superiority. (Just look at the sports areas. Multi million dollar contracts for someone to carry a pigskin ball while there are homeless starving in the streets outside the stadium.)
The current priorities of Western man are all screwed up. We view life as a board game. Who has the best pieces, the most money, the biggest house.
Why does someone need millions of dollars? If I won a million dollars (after taxes) I would buy a modest home in a modest neighborhood and decide what I would do for the purpose of enjoying life. I could work a job just for fun, donate my time, spend days working in a garden or learning about things I have always wanted to study. I would not need a flashy car or diamond rings or a trophy wife. (Ok, maybe a small trophy.) :D
Anyhow, I digress. I know I can slightly modify my life now and accomplish many of these things. I just have to decide what my goals my be and follow them.
The deciding is the hardest part in an unlimited universe.
Happy New Wheel Turning everyone.
One final thing... Happy Birthday to my departed Brother that came to me this morning upon waking and filled my head with memories of our time together only for me to recall a bit later that today was his birthday.
Hello again, my old friend.
This is actually monumental since in 2003 when he passed, I sealed off an area of my psychic abilities. This was made firm that November when my Grandmother passed and I went into a 3 year depression. The fact that he was able to come to me this morning brings great joy to my heart!