Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Take the chance and roll the dice

No, I didn't "unfriend you." I deleted all my social networking profiles.

That also means it will be a rare thing if anyone sees this since I'm not publishing it to any social feeds.

If we were truly "Friends" you would have my number or email address, or know who to get them from.

I don't want this life.

This life has been full of pain, ridicule, exclusion, and loneliness.

Nobody takes this seriously how much I hurt and how often.

I'm only typing this blog in case something happens. No, this is not a suicide note. I'm not going to hurt myself, at least not in that way. I've been hurt enough already.

My family turned its back on me last year in favor of a felon that knowingly robbed them of thousands.

I don't have many people I can call "close friends." I've lost most due to betrayal or ending of relationships.

I've never done drugs, never been charged with a crime, (barely any traffic tickets), and loved with my whole heart when I loved. What has this gotten me? A career? money? I could be a millionaire and things would be the same.

I should be taking my son trick-or-treating for his second Halloween tonight. But, alas, he lies cold in a box. Again, nothing I did.

Just think on this every time you are cruel or don't care. Each time, each person, slowly turning the knife in another.

Welcome to earthly existence. Work so you can buy food, clothing, and shelter, so that you can survive to work more for more food, clothing, and shelter. The cycle goes round and round.

There's the meaning of life for you, to exist as long as possible.

The Bill of Rights entitles us to the "pursuit of happiness" good luck, keep chasing it.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Bright blessed days....dark sacred nights

My boss passed away yesterday.

Not much to say so I'll just post what I put on our company Facebook site:

To our social networking family and friends:

Bryan Sensintaffar, CEO and President of PCCS, passed away Monday afternoon.

Bryan’s work legacy stands as a monument to personal dignity and a commitment to customer service.

Bryan was a loving father, husband, son, and an excellent employer. He inspired his staff to always put the customer’s needs first and encouraged us to always pull together as
a team when we faced tough problems. Bryan encouraged respect, service, teamwork, and worked hard to bring out the best in us all.

We have been pulling together for months now during his absence and illness, and have been able to keep standards high, response times short, and customers satisfied as if he was sitting in the office. We shall continue to push ourselves and band together in this difficult time and look towards the future to continue his legacy.

We at PCCS thank all of you that are customers, business partners, friends and family for your support through the years and ask for your continued support as we maintain and grow in the way Bryan would have wanted.

Please keep his family in your thoughts and prayers during this difficult time.
Here was an interview he did for a commercial one of the last times he was in the office.
I hear babies cry...... I watch them grow
you know they'll  learn 
more than I'll ever know
And I think to myself .....what a wonderful world
Yes I think to myself .......what a wonderful world.

Monday, October 8, 2012

I woke last night to the sound of thunder How far off I sat and wondered

The nights are always the hardest after a great evening.

You walk upstairs and see that empty spot on the opposite side of the bed and think about what choices brought you to the position of going to bed alone.

Then you think about those that would have gladly filled that spot, but that (probably) wouldn't have fit into your life.

You wonder, am I here at this spot by choice, or is this a curse I just haven't been able to shake?

You wonder, does everyone else have it so good or so easy? Or do they just cope and accept varying levels of "happy." Or perhaps they are not happy, they are just "together."

"Together" might be an excuse to not be alone.

I woke up with the title of this post in my head for some reason. It's somewhat metaphoric depending on whether thunder could be seen as a good or bad thing. How far away is what I am seeking, or how far off is trouble and how soon should I expect it to come knocking?

I guess it doesn't help that what I'm looking for changes in increments as the days go by and finding someone that shares all those interests is exceedingly difficult.

Sometimes I wonder.

Strange how the night moves
With autumn closing in

Monday, October 1, 2012

I know they'd never match my sweet imagination

Well, my ex fiancée got married.

A feeling of joy and melancholy.

I did love her for a time, a long time.

She and I had some great times together...

and some insanely terrible times.

Through it all, I loved her kids as if they were my own. That never changed.



I treasure the time I had with them all.

We try to only remember the good, however it's never the true story:

"If you took all the girls I knew
When I was single
And brought them all together for one night
I know they'd never match
My sweet imagination
And everything looks worse in black and white "
-Paul Simon, Kodachrome

Have a great life! Truly