Bear with me

People have told me over the years that I have bear medicine.

I look at other people that I ascribe to have bear medicine. I compare myself to them as they are loving nurturing never have any doubt about going out of their way to help someone and I compare that to myself and feel woefully inadequate of that claim.

Perhaps what I need to do is embrace the bear as they have and then those qualities I admire in the other people I would then be allowed to see them within myself as others have.

I had the rare opportunity to hang out with some friends I don't usually get to visit with except for online last night. Their childlike spirit and antics reminded me very much of a more carefree time of my life and I appreciate them for this.

There are mirrors hung everywhere for us to see. Not only are they all the walls but they are in the faces and eyes of those around us and those that care about us. All we have to do is open her eyes and see and look at these mirrors and we will be able to find we're looking for.

As I was transcribing this on my phone a crow or raven flew by my window.

As I begin this journey that comprises the bulk of my vacation and the bulk of the reason I came to the Pacific Northwest I will have the fortunate presence of a brother that fully embodies at least in my mind what it means to have bear medicine.

When I am at home I do feel alone a lot of times and now it seems silly that with just a simple plane ride I can be around some of the most cherished people in my life and all it takes is little money so I'm going to try to remember this when I go out shopping for needless things and going out to nice restaurants when I could buy the food and make it at home that all the money I save could easily be put aside for a weekend trip very easily.

Breaking in

I sit here on the plane, thousands of feet in the air, reading a book that causes my heart to break wide open with every passage. Causing my attention to the moment to bring tears to my eyes as I don my medicine wheel pendant and realize with a tear-choked chuckle that everything I ever needed was right here with me all along.

It is painful to stay in the present moment right now with the realities of my worst transgressions all flooding into memory, forcing me to acknowledge things I have hidden from myself for years and continually made excuses for.

There has always been a distraction that has been available for this purpose. Even this blog now is distracting me from realizing the depths of these issues stuck on a plane surrounded by strangers.

Descending into Denver, Co now the mountain state I have visited once and would love to take an extended visit to again.

Iiiiiiiim sailingggg awayyyyyyy

Made it to the airport on time. I had a moment when I pauses and realized that if my cell phone runs out of battery, it's not a big deal since I have nobody here to worry about checking in with or worry about what they are doing while I am out of town. It was a very strange feeling, but a good feeling and allowed me to realize how bad that was. I don't ever want to be on a relationship again where I don't trust the person.

I haven't used this app yet to update my blog, so we shall see where pictures end up getting inserted.

To weave our dreams upon and listen to each evening When the lights are low

For years I have not loved myself.

I know that's hard to believe for some. I can put on a pretty face and have moments of joy, but secretly in the back of my mind, I'm always worried if I'm doing the right thing to make people happy.

I'm standing on the edge of a cliff, afraid to fly because something in me believes if someone says I can't fly, even while airborne, I will fall to my death.

I've been told for years now:

I need to take my place as a teacher

I need to open my Native Medicine Circle work to those that need it

I need to open my energy healing services to the public

I need to open my mediumship gifts to those that request them

Doing this terrifies me.

Why? Because so much of it can be seen as unsubstantiated. I'm used to dealing with facts.

I guess if I have something someone wants to learn, I am a teacher

I guess if someone is interested in Medicine Circle work, then feeding their interest with what I know fulfills that desire.

I guess if someone desires energy healing, then feels better or more relaxed afterwards, then success in achieved

I guess if someone comes for mediumship and I tell them what they need to know that I could not have known, and they are satisfied, then they have been blessed


So I guess I have no excuses and nothing to fear, and if someone that hasn't experienced these gifts I have validated many times over the years, then they can't be taken seriously in their affront.


The other issue here is money.

I have worked hard to attain a great job and a very good salary, so money isn't an issue. Therefore, I would not be doing any of this to sustain my way of life.

However, some do.

Whenever I talk about doing these things, someone asks about money, especially those that charge for their services.

If you want to charge for these services or ask a suggested "love donation" that's perfectly fine with me. I encourage it and fully support your right to be an entrepreneur in this sense.

I have a reader that I love visiting with and value her time and insight. I have no problem paying for her time. Conversely, if she ever needed anything from me, I wouldn't charge her a dime. Why? Because 1. I don't need it and 2. it's my pleasure to serve someone I respect.

Possibly, to satisfy everyone, I can set out a love donation box and people can place whatever they wish in there, and I'll take %50 out for candles, water, herbs, etc. and spend it at locally owned businesses to reimburse for supplies and then take %50 and buy canned goods and donate them to somewhere collecting for the food bank like the local Equality Center.

If anyone comes to me that has been using someone else's services just for the price difference, I am going to refer them back to their previous source.


Last issue is one of impropriety.

To avoid rumors and problems, I'm stating it publicly that I'm not going to be interested in dating anyone that comes to me for any of these services. It's just that simple. It's too much of a conflict of interest and just bad news.

Ok, so it looks like I've talked all my excuses into a corner. I guess I should open myself to all this being a reality after I return from vacation.


Oh yah, the song:

a time to gather stones together

Dalai Lama

All the world’s major religions, with their emphasis on love, compassion, patience, tolerance, and forgiveness can and do promote inner values. But the reality of the world today is that grounding ethics in religion is no longer adequate. This is why I am increasingly convinced that the time has come to find a way of thinking about spirituality and ethics beyond religion altogether. (9/10/2012)

 

 

 

I can tell my brother by the flowers in his eyes

 

ALMOST VACATION TIME!

 

 

Once a year I get to visit with some of my most beloved spiritual family.

 

Highlights for this year:

 

Seafood Gorging

Apple orchard

Dreaming Workshop

Riverfront Lunch

Family Dinner

King Tut Exhibit (I hope)

 

 

 

All in a few days, should be a blast!

 

Synchronicities have brought me around to creating healing items again. Packing up my Native herbs, stones, leather, and fabrics for some special communal moments on the trip. Lots of work to get prepared and only a few nights left.

 

 

(not my bundle, just a cool picture)

 



 

For the first time in years, I'm going on vacation with no romantic attachments back home. This will allow me to fully focus on the "now" during the trip and not worry about someone being jealous back home.

 

I'm not going to strive for romantic attachments anymore. It's ok if I'm single. I feel I am going to need to focus on community more than myself. I'm looking forward to increasing my circle of friends. This includes a moratorium on "casual" encounters. I'm very much done with confusing the issue.

 

For those that wonder what I do, I walk the Medicine Wheel.

 

I don't go by anyone's standards, I do my best to listen to the spirits and the winds. Sometimes a stone will be in one location, sometimes in another. sometimes one herb will be burned first, sometimes last. Such was the way of things and they are the same for me.

Sometimes we get Buffalo, often we get Coyote ;)

 

I look forward to sharing this with my Brother in Seattle so we can dance the roads together.

 

 

 

 

I Tried to Flag a Ride Didn't Nobody Seem to Know Me Babe

For those that know me, you know I speak in a lot of metaphors. People hate being told what to do, but they love a good metaphor. So what's a metaphor? For grinning I guess.


We have a lot of crossroads in our lives. some say you meet the Devil at the crossroads and you can sell your soul there.

Truth is, you can. The problem is, people don't recognize who that Devil is.


Before I tell you, let's look at another Crossroads.

Pretty familiar, isn't it?


The fact is, if we think about what's at the center point of a Medicine Wheel, the lesson gets a little more clear, and also a bit more eerie.

You are at the center of the Crossroads. This is because, not that you are the center of the Universe, but that you have the choice to make every decision, every moment in which way you turn at the Crossroads.

Some turns will be straight on, some at an angle, but you always have the choice.

You are the Devil at the crossroads. You decide what you will sell your soul to be.

You sell your soul to yourself.

We all do it.