That's about how I feel.
Go to work and people have forged new alliances reminiscent of a bad island reality TV show.
Requests for quotes and sales are coming in large waves. Good for the company.
I can't stand to talk to anyone.
I hope the Mayans are right. Would be kinda funny.
There was a time in my life I had grand plans, could see eternity stretching out before me. These days, it seems that nothing is permanent.
A workday ticks by in a blink, the night comes and ends with the breaking of the dawn too quick.
The artist Voltaire said this once:
“In 1984 I decided to kill myself. As an experiment, I chose to live just ONE MORE DAY, but to do so as myself, to speak my mind and to not take any shit from anyone. Twenty eight years later I’m still here! What a difference a day makes! Moral: Be yourself and live your dreams my friends, it is its own reward!
-Aurelio Voltaire
The issue here is, who am I?
This is my blog and comments are disabled for a reason. This isn't FaceBook, so if you're going to roll your eyes and start thinking whatever, so what? Think it. What does it matter anyway?
Even if this all sounds like melodramatic bullshit, tough, go click on something else.
Nothing makes me happy anymore. Well, I did laugh today at this video of a cute girl doing a news story and a donkey farting behind her.
No, I don't want to go see a counselor. The last one I saw not only told me that he told a female patient of his that she needed to change the way she approached her husband to make him stop beating her, but also grilled me for a half hour about what my stepfather's last name was.
A coworker thinks they should set me up with someone, like having a "date" would be all the difference. I don't want to date anyone, see anyone, etc. I don't care for all the complications that come with the whole scenario.
Last few times I had sex it was awful. Didn't feel anything, it was like going through the motions but I saw it as pointless. The women seemed to really enjoy it, but do I care to call them again? Not really.
People pose the question at these points in life: "if money was no object, what would you do?"
I could say that I would spend my time doing energy healing, teaching people to heal themselves, and living my life in the most carefree fashion I could imagine.
Unfortunately, that's not a reality.
Even to get to the point of performing energy healing would take a quantum shift in my outlook right now.
It's times like this when people turn to religion for answers, but I know those are nothing but theories that one can accept as answers. That's perfectly fine too, there's nothing wrong with that. We all make our own reality anyhow.
It's getting to the point that I'm not going to be able to find a woman to get married to and have children with unless I marry someone much younger than myself. (This based on the fact my last fiancée was 37 and she was "high risk" due to her age.)
So looking at that page to turn that can never be unturned, I look back on my life and wonder what happened? Why did I make those choices with my first and second wives. Selfish choices based on a terrible attitude and outlook on life. hmm, similar to now I guess.
I last saw my father years ago, a single, unhappy man sitting alone in his house with his highly trained dog. A terrible sight for someone that should be a happy, active grandfather.
I see myself becoming closer and closer to that stereotype. Success means nothing without someone to share it with.
I have rambled on long enough.
A special thank you to that voice in the darkness that reached out to me last night and told me of the impact I had on their life a lifetime ago for me. You are welcome, I'm glad that man was of service.
I often wonder where he went.
