I thought I'd left a lot of stuff behind in high school but I've come to realize that the more things change the more they stay the same.
I went shopping for a new suit tonight to wear on my vacation trip to Seattle. It took a lot of willpower for me to find one that I like and that allows me to express myself and not worry about what some of my friends would say about it.
I really doubt any of my friends that I will see on my vacation will say anything about it because they will know that I am expressing my true personality. The people that would say something about it and tease me about it are people locally that I've considered friends.
Why do I come to this belief? Because it happened many times before. I personally believe that a friend is someone that is supportive, allows you to express yourself, support you while you are trying to be a better person, and that doesn't make fun of you for the way you look the way you act the way you dress or the way you sound.
At my counselor today I realized that the preferences of my father and my grandfather still heavily drive me today.
Whenever I wanted to have fun and enjoy myself, or if I made the smallest mistake, my father and then later my grandfather would chastise me. If it had not been for my grandmother telling my grandfather to leave me alone whenever I would be on the computer I really doubt that I would have the interest, knowlege, or career that I have today.
I like to dress so that I stand out not all in black conformity stand out but just stand out and make a statement that this is me this is my personality. I enjoy showing off my tattoos because they are things that I'm proud of they are things that make me different and unique. All of these things externally allow me to show off my internal personality.
this is also why do not agree with personality typing. You are able to see whatever personality I am comfortable showing. You don't get to see the personality that's hiding because it's afraid of being made fun of. You don't see the personality that hiding because it's afraid it will become an outcast. You don't get to see the me that I love being but I want you to accept me so I bury it until I don't get to see that me either.
This is one of the reasons I decided to start this blog. If someone makes a rude comment I'll delete it and just leave it at that. This is my blog, this is my journal, more over this is my journey. If you have known me for years and you cannot support what is that I'm doing to better myself, then you might need to consider whether not you have been a part of the problem but I am now attempting to solve.
As I was leaving today my counselor talk to me about the importance of sincerity and being sincere. Sincere not only 2 other people but also to myself about how I truly am. And to work to break free of the illusion that I've cloaked myself in.
Sincerity is the lesson to the story I posted about the shooting of red eagle.
